Avoiding these sex mistakes will keep you happier in and out of bed, regardless of whether you’re with a new partner or the love of your life. Being an honest partner, rather than having excellent sex, is more important. Learn what to do instead of the sex mistakes you should never make in bed to avoid ruining the mood.
Don’t assume you know how to do everything.
It’s impossible to immediately understand your partner’s preferences. Everybody has personal preferences, according to Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a sexologist. Understanding your partner’s preferences will help you build a more fulfilling physical and emotional relationship because communication is essential to all aspects of a relationship.
Avoid making it a blank space.
According to Brame, many couples air their issues before going to bed because it’s usually the first chance they get to speak in private. However, when you bring your resentments and anger into the bedroom, you turn a place meant for pleasure into a combat zone. And if things get out of hand, one partner might stop having sex as a punishment. Work things out with your partner in another room, or postpone it until the next day if you’re upset with them. One angry night won’t ruin your relationship, according to Brame. When you associate the bedroom with unpleasant memories, your sex life and the foundation of your marriage may change.
Don’t be afraid to express your fantasies.
In the book “She Comes First” author and psychiatrist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., notes that rather than discussing what they want, “so several women and men are focused on the sex or foreplay they’re not getting.” She counsels expressing your desires in a positive way. Consider using a sentence like, “Here’s something that would drive me crazy…” Additionally, according to Kerner, the language you employ might be just as enticing as the act itself. Also, let us know if you feel like channeling your inner 50 Shades of Gray. According to Brame, “The lady or man who really loves you is going to listen.” Nevertheless, neither partner should exert pressure to do anything outside of their comfort zone. It should be exciting to try something new, not risky or unsettling.
Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not
Choose sincerity above flattery—or simply to put an end to a situation you don’t like. Instead, take advantage of the disappointment to learn how your partner can more fully satisfy you in bed. Kerner suggests that you “allow your disagreements to stimulate dialogues about what’s working and what’s not.” Instead of being humiliated, talk to your partner if you have any concerns that they might be acting out for your advantage. Tracey Cox, sex and relationship expert and author of Hot Sex: How to Do It, advises, “If you truly believe they faked it, make it clear that you would not expect that they will have an orgasm every single time, and that’s totally OK.”
Do not feel compelled to engage in sexual activity.
One common misconception is that couples that engage in sexual activity on a regular basis tend to be happy than their counterparts who don’t. While having sex once a week will certainly enrich your relationship, having sex more frequently than that is unlikely to be healthier for you. If you begin to feel compelled to engage in sex but are not interested in it, Kerner suggests engaging in physical activity in other ways. “Spend 15 minutes kissing, massaging, and showering with your partner. Enjoy being physically active without the pressure of sex.
Don’t focus too much on the big O
The total pleasure of having sex can be diminished if the orgasm is the only thing on your mind, especially when you’re with new partners. Many women who engage in casual or first-time sex “don’t necessarily climax,” according to Kerner. That doesn’t imply that something is wrong. Furthermore, asking someone repeatedly if they’ve had an orgasm is the surest way to prevent them from getting one. Cox claims that pushing someone into orgasm also has the opposite psychological effect.
Don’t carry your worries from the day into bed.
Whatever the source of your tension, keep it out of the bedroom. It could be a challenging project at work or a disagreement with a friend. According to studies, in order to feel arousal, people, and women in particular, need to be able to shut down their brains. That doesn’t mean that having sex when you’re busy at work is absolutely out of the question. According to Kerner, arousal often has a bigger voice than anxiety. Give arousal a chance; it may be beneficial. Fantasy could be a good approach to step back from the day’s events and focus on your relationship with your partner.
Avoid being critical.
Do you think she’s developing laugh lines? Do you think he’s getting a paunch? It is definitely inappropriate to bring it up during a passionate exchange. We are never more exposed than when we are naked in bed, according to Cox, who claims that body confidence concerns impact both sexes. You’ll have a better time in bed if you make each other feel sexy and at ease with your body since, according to Cox and Brame, over 90% of men worry about the size of their penis, and low self-esteem is a contributing factor in sexual dysfunction in women.
Don’t mention your ex-partner
Even though it could seem like a wonderful way to brag about your abilities, no one likes to hear about your previous sexcapades while on a date, especially when things are heating up. Furthermore, since everyone has varied sexual preferences, what worked with a previous partner may not necessarily work with a new one. And even if it works, no one will find it amusing to picture you doing it with a partner. We all prefer to believe that our partners arrived to us in sealed plastic bags, unharmed by anyone else, according to Cox. Positive sexual discussion between ex-partners “destroys everything,”
Keep it from hurting.
According to Kerner, “some people think sex is a little or a lot unpleasant.” “That isn’t accurate.” An issue with arousal, lubrication, menopausal or perimenopausal hormonal fluctuations, an inappropriate position, or a lack of communication is indicated by pain during sex. Don’t be hesitant to include additional lubricant or foreplay in your time together after telling your lover. If the issue continues, speak with your doctor because it can be an infection symptom.
Don’t feel bad if you picture someone else.
Cox believes that having a fantasy play in your brain is a common and very efficient technique to spice up sex with someone you’ve slept with a lot. There’s no need to be embarrassed if you imagine a famous person, an attractive coworker, or a stranger you saw on the bus because fantasy may be a useful tool for increasing arousal or livening things up. It’s OK to have sexual fantasies as long as you don’t blame yourself for having them or feel bad about them. According to research, this can lead to interpersonal issues and a general decrease in sexual satisfaction.
Never use the wrong name.
Although it might seem obvious, take care not to let your fantasies interfere with reality. A big O won’t result from hurling out the incorrect name in the heat of the moment, according to Cox. In either case, it won’t make your partner or hot wife feel special or at ease. It might simply be a slip of the tongue or a sign of a deeper desire.
Do not worry about any mechanical issues.
Every adult male will eventually encounter episodic impotence, according to Brame. “It has no purpose.” It has nothing to do with how he feels about his partner and could be brought on by circulatory issues, excessive drinking, exhaustion, or simply having had a difficult day at work. Additionally, it typically does not reflect on his manhood. By exaggerating it, the situation will only get worse. “If you start insulting your partner, what might be a one-time occurrence can start building into a chronic problem because he’s being attacked when he’s at his most vulnerable.”
Don’t heed the pings and dings
It seems like an obvious mood breaker, but some people still grab their phones during sex. Not only does pausing to respond to a call or text throw off the rhythm and momentum, but it also sends the message to your partner that they aren’t your top priority even while having sex. According to Cox, interrupting a sexual encounter to check your smartphone is equivalent to saying, “This is much more interesting to me than having sex with you.”
On so many levels, this is terrible. If you can’t keep quiet when it’s necessary, you shouldn’t have brought them to bed in the first place. Men and women don’t need to be told that their uncut penis is disgusting or that their unshaven vulva is unsightly and more so when there is sex!