Learning how to get ready for anal sex is essential to having a positive experience, regardless of whether you’ve experienced it before and want a refresher or you’re new to the situation. While we’d love to tell you that there is a one-size-fits-all method for having fantastic anal sex, it is important to discuss what to know, what to avoid, and how to get ready for anal sex before you try it in order to have the most enjoyable experience possible.

And you’re not the only one that is interested in anal sex. Despite appearances, a survey reported in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that more than one-third of women between the ages of 19 and 44 have at least once engaged in anal intercourse. According to an associate professor at the Center for Human Sexuality Studies at Widener University, Justin Sitron, Ph.D., “people frequently consider that our anus is ‘exit only’ and not meant for sex and fun.” Many nerve endings in the anus experience pleasure, and for some people, anal intercourse is even more delightful than other types of sex.

Another crucial point is that, when performed properly, anal intercourse shouldn’t hurt, according to Alyssa Dweck, M.D., an assistant clinical professor at Mount Sinai School of Medicine. If you do suffer pain, Sitron advises that it may be an indication that you are not using enough lubricant (more on that below! ), have a tear, fissure, hemorrhage, or STI, or that you are inflamed as a result of long-term GI problems. However, any initial discomfort ought to pass and be replaced with pleasure and happiness. To learn more about how to be ready for anal sex, continue reading for the eight steps recommended by sex experts.

Begin gradually.

The first time you engage in anal sex, Ferrer advises waiting until after you’ve had your climax since your body will be more open to this kind of stimulation. Alternately, you might both take a shower while your lover gently massages the affected area with a soapy finger. Experimenting in the shower or tub might also make you feel “clean,” which is a common worry for new users.

If it doesn’t work out, it’s alright to quit and take a break (for a minute, minutes, hour, or even a few days or weeks), explains Sitron. “Start gradually and learn about your body.”

Think about an enema

Some experts contend that administering an enema or a douche carefully can assist in eliminating fecal matter from the rectum and allay any concerns about anal intercourse being messy, even if others believe that all you need is a recent bowel movement and soap and water. If you decide to take this approach, Sitron advises selecting a non-medicated, saline-only, or water-only product to prevent irritation. Furthermore, “it’s always nice to wipe the anus and cheeks on the outside too after cleaning out inside,” says Dr. Sitron. “When you do, be cautious and gentle to prevent tearing any skin or creating any abrasions that could reduce the safety of sex.”

Don’t stress about how you look

Sitron says, “It’s vital to remember that everyone’s complexion and facial appearance is unique, and that is part of what makes us beautiful. To “enhance” the appearance of body parts, including the anus, so many goods are now being offered to us, such as bleaching creams, cleanses, and hair-removal solutions. Using them might irritate the area or perhaps damage the skin. Hence Sitron advises against doing so shortly before play. Also, think about if you are using them for personal reasons or just to fit in with society.

Brush up

The key to having a good anal sex encounter is applying lubrication, says Sitron. Although the rectum does secrete some lubrication naturally, it is “rarely enough” to ensure sufficient safety and comfort during anal sex. Sitron explains that occasionally water-based lubricants dry out more quickly than silicon or hybrid lubricants because the rectum absorbs water as part of its duty to get feces ready to leave the body. Play and experiment until you find the lubes you enjoy best because not all persons or toys go well with all lubes.

Use condoms

When it comes to anal sex, condoms are a good idea, even if you’re in a monogamous relationship. Why? For starters, they make the entry smoother by reducing friction. Second, having anal intercourse without a condom could result in the bacteria already in your anal canal entering your bloodstream, which is bad, warns Dr. Dweck. Anal tissue is delicate and prone to minute rips. Additionally, use a different condom for each sexual activity (such as switching from vaginal to anal sex). Just be careful not to combine a condom with oil-based lubrication, as the oil may weaken the latex and cause the condom to rupture.

Communicate

Talk it out with your spouse before you take your clothes off, Ferrer advises. And take into account having a safe word—a code word that has nothing to do with sex (like “hockey”) and quickly stops all activity. In any novel sexual scenario, this can be a wise course of action. Having a code word in place might help you both feel more certain that you are on the same page throughout the act because your hot wife might not be able to distinguish if your moans are ones of pleasure or agony.

Use a toy

According to Ferrer, using toys might be a terrific method to discover anal play. Make sure to choose a toy with a base that flares out that is appropriate for anal sex. (Unlike the closed vaginal canal, the anal canal is open, and a toy could become lodged within your body. Your body can become accustomed to the feeling of fullness by using a little anal plug, and you can then decide whether or not it is pleasurable for you. Also, think about enrolling in a course: Workshops with certified sexperts discussing positions, toys, and how-tos are becoming more and more common in sex establishments around the nation. Hey, it’s at least an alternative to dinner and a movie.

Recognize when to stop

Sitron advises stopping right away, relaxing, cleaning up, and getting medical help if you see blood or feel pain, especially if they persist. Anal fissures are frequently invisible from the outside of the body because they are internal, but if left untreated, they can be problematic.

Conclusion

Although many people find it enjoyable, many sexologists concur that it’s not necessary to tick it off your sex bucket list. If the thought of having sex doesn’t get you hot, it’s entirely OK to stick to your repertory of what does. Sex is supposed to be pleasurable.